Ordinary Intimacy
"Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and...if it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive." Brené Brown
Today I was reading one of my favorite author's, Donald Miller. His latest book: Scary Close is a breath of fresh air. And true to Ami style, I had read half the book and cried even before I noticed that the whole darn book is about intimacy...my favorite subject after: Jesus, my man and my kids. Because without intimacy what else is there?;)
The Lawman and I have been on a journey for the past two years. I'll write more about it later, but what we've found along the way is our movement from capacity to intimacy. From being crazy "busy for Jesus" to really just being pretty ordinary. And it's beautiful. To start, we can breathe. Deeply. We're moving (because it's still shaky some days) from having this need to have our lives validated by people we love to this place of figuring out who we are and where we best fit. What can be SUPER scary about that is that where you fit may be hidden and not something people want to write books about or imitate. This vulnerability has helped us see that we will most likely be best in the ordinary of life.
I remember hearing someone say, "Capacity is the measure of maturity." Wow. To begin, I hate the word capacity now - it's super judgmental when we use it regarding what people can and cannot carry in life. Not only does the phrase sound so invalidating to everyone having a hard time managing the things life throws our way, it is at the least exclusive and at worst so very condescending. To express capacity as a measure you must believe that you have a large one. God help us all. And once you've been acknowledged as having a large capacity - honestly, it's like heroin. You're addicted to the praise and you'll live a false life to be set apart as different from the ordinary folks. You'll kill yourself for the praises of men...and you'll take your family right along with you.
In the Christian world we call it "Laying our lives down for others and Jesus." But what I think we often believe is "laying our lives down" is really just busyness. The fear is that if we slow down too much we'll become ordinary. We'll blend in with the crowd. Did I mention the praise of man is addictive? The one on one discipleship Jesus talks about isn't too flashy and not something you'd make a movie about. But it's what he left us here to do. He also said:
It takes time and energy to be intimate. The Lawman and I have had to slow way down - almost to a standstill (I don't know if you can really do that with six kids, but...here's to trying!:) to allow ourselves to see how we're really feeling, what we need and who we are...it's taking longer than we'd like; but having lived a busy false life we're not willing to go back. We long for intimacy with Jesus and this life. We'll keep living simply and making disciples and learning how to pray for now. Because when you move from living a productive life to a life where you've created space for life to happen you'll lose capacity. LOL!!! And you just might do a few summersaults!!!!
YAY!!!!!
Today I was reading one of my favorite author's, Donald Miller. His latest book: Scary Close is a breath of fresh air. And true to Ami style, I had read half the book and cried even before I noticed that the whole darn book is about intimacy...my favorite subject after: Jesus, my man and my kids. Because without intimacy what else is there?;) The Lawman and I have been on a journey for the past two years. I'll write more about it later, but what we've found along the way is our movement from capacity to intimacy. From being crazy "busy for Jesus" to really just being pretty ordinary. And it's beautiful. To start, we can breathe. Deeply. We're moving (because it's still shaky some days) from having this need to have our lives validated by people we love to this place of figuring out who we are and where we best fit. What can be SUPER scary about that is that where you fit may be hidden and not something people want to write books about or imitate. This vulnerability has helped us see that we will most likely be best in the ordinary of life.
Ordinary
I remember hearing someone say, "Capacity is the measure of maturity." Wow. To begin, I hate the word capacity now - it's super judgmental when we use it regarding what people can and cannot carry in life. Not only does the phrase sound so invalidating to everyone having a hard time managing the things life throws our way, it is at the least exclusive and at worst so very condescending. To express capacity as a measure you must believe that you have a large one. God help us all. And once you've been acknowledged as having a large capacity - honestly, it's like heroin. You're addicted to the praise and you'll live a false life to be set apart as different from the ordinary folks. You'll kill yourself for the praises of men...and you'll take your family right along with you.
In the Christian world we call it "Laying our lives down for others and Jesus." But what I think we often believe is "laying our lives down" is really just busyness. The fear is that if we slow down too much we'll become ordinary. We'll blend in with the crowd. Did I mention the praise of man is addictive? The one on one discipleship Jesus talks about isn't too flashy and not something you'd make a movie about. But it's what he left us here to do. He also said:
"Make it your goal to live a quiet life,
minding your own business and working with your hands,
just as we instructed you before."
1 Thess 4:11
This is different from the way a lot of us have been raised. "You can be ANYTHING you want to be!" or "Go do something awesome for Jesus with your life!!!" I know I tell the stories of the people who did craziness for Jesus. Nobody tells the story of the mom who raised her kids to love God, discipled young women, loved her husband and worked at a daycare after the "baby" left home because she didn't have a stellar resume. You don't hear those stories. It's too ordinary. Sounds to me like she didn't have a lot of capacity.
Back to reading Millers book :) I'm reminded that at the very core, capacity lacks intimacy. And I am at the point in life where I will risk just about everything to have intimacy...with Jesus, my husband, my family, my friends...everything. And intimacy isn't in a hurry...it takes time. Here's what I've learned about maturity, the mature in life are the ones who are willing to be the most vulnerable and take the time to be intimate. I want to be like that...and I have a long way to go.
YAY!!!!!
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