Breathing Through a Straw
"What do you mean they wont come down??! You're KIDDING!! Who does that??" I sighed into the phone while kids ran past. "I mean they said they won't come down." said the Lawman with more than irritation in his voice. "That is the most ridiculous thing I think I've ever heard a seller say. Ridiculous." We talked for a bit more and then hung up and I walked into the kitchen dazed. "Is this how you're going to let it end, God? We felt you leading us to this place. I don't understand!" It wasn't my dream farm, but it was beautiful and it had seemed like God had been really specific.
In my heart it felt like everything was back up on the table. Everything. And for some odd reason I felt joy and peace. It felt similar to that feeling you get when you've been running awhile and you feel like your body takes over and you could run forever.
Have you ever run? I wouldn't say that I'm a runner, but I have run before and even drug myself across the finish line of a half marathon a fews weeks after turning 40. In the beginning you feel like your lungs are on fire and if you're like me your asthma kicks in after a mile or two. Or maybe it's because I started training for a half marathon six weeks after my 6th child made his way into the world two weeks after his due date. The August heat that causes every living plant to go into hospice in Texas was coming up off the pavement like smoke from the grill and I literally felt like I would die with each step. But cooler weather eventually came and my lungs learned how to work with my heart and by January I actually loved running.
It's that way in life sometimes. Paul in the Bible talks about life being a race. I think for a long time I thought he was meaning to win the race - like be better than everyone else running alongside you. ;) #performance But more recently I wonder if he meant more about conditioning yourself for the long haul so that you can win YOUR race. Lately, the Lawman and I have felt like we're on mile 18 in a marathon where you typically hit the proverbial *Wall*... and we felt like we were breathing through a straw.
It had been a longer process than we'd hoped, but we were in contract and close to closing when the appraisal came back on the farm less than asking price. We knew this would happen - at least we had a pretty good hunch. The owners were selling the farm on their own and had been trying to for 5 years. Most folks selling homes on their own over price the property and we thought that was the case on this farm too. So we did something we've never done - we offered full price and waited on the appraisal. The state of Tennessee confirmed our suspicion - the farm was valued $29,000 less than the asking price. Logically, they would come down and we would avoid negotiating with unreasonable sellers.
Breathe and keep your pace. You've run farther than this before.
Moving closing cost around and agreeing to purchase some of their farm equipment we found ourselves within $9,000 of their asking price. And they wouldn't move. "We wont budge." they said...and they sounded somewhat happy about it too.
Find something to focus on down the road - a short goal -and don't forget to breathe.
We've bought our share of homes over the years and sold them too. But we have never, never run into this scenario. Never once have we had a seller demand more than the appraised value. The owners called back the next day saying they would finance the farm for the asking price (the over value price) and with who knows what kind of APR.
The Wall. Just keep running...the body knows what to do. And don't forget to breathe.
That night we sat down and prayed and both agreed that we didn't have peace - at all. We let the sellers know that we would be moving on and wished them luck. The next few weeks we prayed. By the end of those few weeks we began looking for other farms closer to the city we'd like to invest in when we move. The Lawman asked me to fly up next week and meet a realtor. We purchased my ticket and chose a few great farms to look at and made plans for a place to stay.
Second wind.
It's that time of year if your older kids are in college. The universities want their money by July 31st. We haven't been able to pay for all of our kid's educations, but we have helped to keep their debt to a super manageable number. It's been a lot of sacrifice, but completely worth it to see them thriving in their Jesus loving communities and for the most part enjoying what they're learning. But for various reasons this year was going to be a big hit in the debt arena for our kids. Bigger than we had ever thought healthy.
Another Hill. Keep running...you like hills.
Sitting down to co-sign with them on these massive amounts of debt felt suffocating. We know what's it's like to have huge amounts of school debt and we would say that it's a game changer for life - debt makes decisions for you. In my logical, "money-smart" mind I'd encourage every kid to skip college and flip houses or farm. The money college's ask for goes right into their land and buildings and teams. Your kids don't need a college degree to make a good living. Debt is even bad according to the Bible and so...we know all of this and stranger than fiction, Jesus keeps leading us to support our kids in this journey.
Keep running.
Right before we co-sign on their loans we just can't. We can't say it's okay to let them get into that amount of debt. But what do you do when they and you feel like they're supposed to be there - at the school who is asking UNGODLY amounts for their tuition?
Another wall and now...now you're breathing through a straw.
Yesterday morning, the Lawman walked out of the house angry. It is extremely rare, but if you ever see him angry it's for a very good reason. But I have never seen him walk out of the house angry. And it wasn't at anyone - just the situation. He is the provider for 8 people, two who are in college and a whole culture saying you should've saved since you were a 10yo to put them through private university. Even though you put yourself through private school as an undergraduate and had a wife and kids and a full-time job...you still feel the weight. You want to lean in and support your kids' dreams. We've always believed and practiced that someones dream should cost them the most. Yet, you don't want their life to feel like they're always running while breathing through a straw like you did. Doing that will leave you broken and yes, you can run while breathing through a straw; but you'll have a hard time running for the pleasure of running...you'll always feel like it's not enough if you're not straining. We both run like this.
I'm cooking breakfast. I'm thinking about how both of these kids work, pay their car payments, pay for their insurance, work part-time while in school and participate in leading at their church in Waco. They both love people and Jesus beautifully. I'm asking Jesus to show us a way where there seems to be no way.
The Wall. The Straw. And now an asthma attack...keep breathing...
I hear him come in the front door and he stops in the kitchen. "I just can't, Aim. I can't agree to help them get into that kind of debt. It's not how I want to live or how I want my kids to live. But what I do want to do is live life sacrificially...I want to help them pursue their dreams even if it means putting our dreams on hold. So. I feel like we're supposed to give them our farm savings to pay for this semester." Tears stung my eyes. It's those times you don't think you can love someone more and then you do. Sacrificial love is a powerful force.
You find your pace, your lungs fill with air and you know you can make it. You can run like this forever...
The flight is cancelled. The realtor knows we're not buying a farm right now. Baylor is happy for another semester. Big kids are beyond grateful. Little kids had some anger issues with the bigger kids - "WHAT????!!!! You gave ALL of it to them for COLLEGE??!!!!!" ;) But then they brought us all of their savings this morning, "It's for the farm. Since you gave the big kids all your money...we wanted to give you ours." They're learning it's better together.
We have absolutely no idea what Jesus has for us - we still feel like it involves a farm in the mountains of TN. And we still feel like we're sitting in the ashes of just about everything, but we know He's drawn to the those who are weak and in need of Him. We are so thankful for a healthy marriage and some amazing, healthy kids and some dear close friends who have been walking this journey with us and parents holding us up in prayer.
We do know that life with Jesus has taught to run and not trust the situation, but to trust the one who taught us how to run...because at the end of this run we want to say this...
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7
In my heart it felt like everything was back up on the table. Everything. And for some odd reason I felt joy and peace. It felt similar to that feeling you get when you've been running awhile and you feel like your body takes over and you could run forever.
Have you ever run? I wouldn't say that I'm a runner, but I have run before and even drug myself across the finish line of a half marathon a fews weeks after turning 40. In the beginning you feel like your lungs are on fire and if you're like me your asthma kicks in after a mile or two. Or maybe it's because I started training for a half marathon six weeks after my 6th child made his way into the world two weeks after his due date. The August heat that causes every living plant to go into hospice in Texas was coming up off the pavement like smoke from the grill and I literally felt like I would die with each step. But cooler weather eventually came and my lungs learned how to work with my heart and by January I actually loved running.
It's that way in life sometimes. Paul in the Bible talks about life being a race. I think for a long time I thought he was meaning to win the race - like be better than everyone else running alongside you. ;) #performance But more recently I wonder if he meant more about conditioning yourself for the long haul so that you can win YOUR race. Lately, the Lawman and I have felt like we're on mile 18 in a marathon where you typically hit the proverbial *Wall*... and we felt like we were breathing through a straw.
It had been a longer process than we'd hoped, but we were in contract and close to closing when the appraisal came back on the farm less than asking price. We knew this would happen - at least we had a pretty good hunch. The owners were selling the farm on their own and had been trying to for 5 years. Most folks selling homes on their own over price the property and we thought that was the case on this farm too. So we did something we've never done - we offered full price and waited on the appraisal. The state of Tennessee confirmed our suspicion - the farm was valued $29,000 less than the asking price. Logically, they would come down and we would avoid negotiating with unreasonable sellers.
Breathe and keep your pace. You've run farther than this before.
Moving closing cost around and agreeing to purchase some of their farm equipment we found ourselves within $9,000 of their asking price. And they wouldn't move. "We wont budge." they said...and they sounded somewhat happy about it too.
Find something to focus on down the road - a short goal -and don't forget to breathe.
We've bought our share of homes over the years and sold them too. But we have never, never run into this scenario. Never once have we had a seller demand more than the appraised value. The owners called back the next day saying they would finance the farm for the asking price (the over value price) and with who knows what kind of APR. The Wall. Just keep running...the body knows what to do. And don't forget to breathe.
That night we sat down and prayed and both agreed that we didn't have peace - at all. We let the sellers know that we would be moving on and wished them luck. The next few weeks we prayed. By the end of those few weeks we began looking for other farms closer to the city we'd like to invest in when we move. The Lawman asked me to fly up next week and meet a realtor. We purchased my ticket and chose a few great farms to look at and made plans for a place to stay.
Second wind.
It's that time of year if your older kids are in college. The universities want their money by July 31st. We haven't been able to pay for all of our kid's educations, but we have helped to keep their debt to a super manageable number. It's been a lot of sacrifice, but completely worth it to see them thriving in their Jesus loving communities and for the most part enjoying what they're learning. But for various reasons this year was going to be a big hit in the debt arena for our kids. Bigger than we had ever thought healthy.
Another Hill. Keep running...you like hills.
Keep running.
Right before we co-sign on their loans we just can't. We can't say it's okay to let them get into that amount of debt. But what do you do when they and you feel like they're supposed to be there - at the school who is asking UNGODLY amounts for their tuition?
Another wall and now...now you're breathing through a straw.
Yesterday morning, the Lawman walked out of the house angry. It is extremely rare, but if you ever see him angry it's for a very good reason. But I have never seen him walk out of the house angry. And it wasn't at anyone - just the situation. He is the provider for 8 people, two who are in college and a whole culture saying you should've saved since you were a 10yo to put them through private university. Even though you put yourself through private school as an undergraduate and had a wife and kids and a full-time job...you still feel the weight. You want to lean in and support your kids' dreams. We've always believed and practiced that someones dream should cost them the most. Yet, you don't want their life to feel like they're always running while breathing through a straw like you did. Doing that will leave you broken and yes, you can run while breathing through a straw; but you'll have a hard time running for the pleasure of running...you'll always feel like it's not enough if you're not straining. We both run like this.
I'm cooking breakfast. I'm thinking about how both of these kids work, pay their car payments, pay for their insurance, work part-time while in school and participate in leading at their church in Waco. They both love people and Jesus beautifully. I'm asking Jesus to show us a way where there seems to be no way.
The Wall. The Straw. And now an asthma attack...keep breathing...
I hear him come in the front door and he stops in the kitchen. "I just can't, Aim. I can't agree to help them get into that kind of debt. It's not how I want to live or how I want my kids to live. But what I do want to do is live life sacrificially...I want to help them pursue their dreams even if it means putting our dreams on hold. So. I feel like we're supposed to give them our farm savings to pay for this semester." Tears stung my eyes. It's those times you don't think you can love someone more and then you do. Sacrificial love is a powerful force.
You find your pace, your lungs fill with air and you know you can make it. You can run like this forever...
The flight is cancelled. The realtor knows we're not buying a farm right now. Baylor is happy for another semester. Big kids are beyond grateful. Little kids had some anger issues with the bigger kids - "WHAT????!!!! You gave ALL of it to them for COLLEGE??!!!!!" ;) But then they brought us all of their savings this morning, "It's for the farm. Since you gave the big kids all your money...we wanted to give you ours." They're learning it's better together.
We have absolutely no idea what Jesus has for us - we still feel like it involves a farm in the mountains of TN. And we still feel like we're sitting in the ashes of just about everything, but we know He's drawn to the those who are weak and in need of Him. We are so thankful for a healthy marriage and some amazing, healthy kids and some dear close friends who have been walking this journey with us and parents holding us up in prayer.
We do know that life with Jesus has taught to run and not trust the situation, but to trust the one who taught us how to run...because at the end of this run we want to say this...
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7
oh precious one! you have shared so much. thank you for trusting Jesus with your whole heart, for loving your husband well, and for leading your big and little ones in grace and truth. You are faithful, and I am grateful for a glimpse into your heart. I have received so much encouragement and a reminder to pray for you and your family. TO God be the glory. xo ally
ReplyDeleteSo good. Really grateful for you and your family.. and the fact that you rock those purple socks.
ReplyDelete