Mongolia Vol 4 - Eyes Wide Shut

Outside of our gate

Today is better, but the past few weeks I've wanted to be a "spirit-less" person. "I don't want to see things that aren't physically real - I don't want to sense, I don't want to *know* and I'm tired of gender-free bathrooms." (You know - you can get crazy when you're culture shocking;) That's how I've felt and the taste is still in my mouth. On those harder days when you walk past a man so drunk he passed out in front of your gate, you ask yourself "Why are we here? We can't make even a small difference in all of this hurt, all of this pain and brokenness - we leave in three weeks!!!" So you remind yourself...

Chris and I have been building a bridge for a young couple, the Engs, who we love dearly - to have the opportunity to lead a training school, get their feet wet in longer term missions and see if they would one day want to be church planters themselves. They're precious and if it wasn't for their need to have had to intern as trainging school leaders before they actually lead a school we wouldn't have hiked this mass of Burrs across the world. That's *why* we came to Mongolia. But usually *why* you go somewhere Jesus asks you to go isn't always the reason He had in mind for you. He's bossy like that. :) Much like the Lawman and me. We both are bulldog determined that each of us SEE the other's point of view. :) Jesus is like that too...He want's us to SEE. Like a marriage...unity is paramount. Absolute game changer if it's not there.

Did you know that when you're trying to adjust to another culture it's hard to differentiate between what you're just not used to and what's really broken? Does that make sense? Like it's hard for me to adjust to the way you buy something here.

~ First you pick an item out
~ Try to find a price
~ Hand the item to the person working in that area
~ They give you a receipt
~ You walk across the store to the checkout
~ Hand them the receipt
~ Purchase the item and then you walk back across the store to the lady you handed the item to
~ Give her the purchase receipt
~ She looks at it and then hands you the item

Obviously, this goes against every stinkin' Western "efficient" cell in my body. Gah!!!! The Lawman just smiles at me - he loves to watch the way other cultures do things...unless they mess up his dry cleaning. :):):)

So it's been like this everyday. What is adjustment, what is broken? How do I respond to these things?

Dog food add...haha :)

• Aggressive animals...adjust.
• No water...adjust. 
• No power...adjust.
• Genderfree bathrooms...adjust.
• Spotty wifi so you can't skype your son...adjust.
• Crazy driving...adjust.
• Cost of living more than you'd planned for...adjust.
• Your dad having heart problems and you're around the world...adjust.
• Hardly any vegetables...adjust.
• Walking 3 miles through the city because of traffic, with a toddler on your back...adjust.
• Worms in your gut...Jesus, help...adjust.
• Hanging laundry to dry for 7 people...adjust.
• Isolation in a small apt with 7 people...adjust.
• Power lines laying in puddles that your toddlers are walking past...adjust.
• Power lines - open and wires hanging out - near your head on the sidewalk...adjust.
• No car seats for kids...adjust.
• Dogs barking allllllllllll night long...adjust.
• Human waste left outside your gate...adjust.
• Buses or hitch hiking being your mode of transportation with 5 kids...adjust.
• Cars driving on the sidewalk - coming straight at you - better, adjust.
• Grocery shopping for seven when you have to carry everything to hitch hike home...adjust.

Our bus...No. 20

And then things like crowded buses...adjust.  Until a drunk man falls into you and your 6yo's lap and you have your 4yo on your back while you're riding on the bus...brokenness. And brokenness because you're the only one on the bus helping this sweet broken man to his feet and a seat beside you.

You cannot adjust to brokenness, I'm learning.

I usually get btwn 4-6 hours of sleep a night. After 6 children I have some highly developed mama ears. ;) I can hear everything much to the chagrin of the 15yo boy and his midnight snacks. In the states I remedy this by using the sound app on my iphone and usually sleep all night. But here in Mongolia I leave my phone in my boy's room so the baby can sleep. I don't sleep here unless I take a prescription drugs. I tried melatonin...lay there wide awake while the rest of the house sleeps. These are the times when I stop and ask Jesus questions. And I begin to hear what I'm hearing as He tells me *why*.

I hear screaming. I begin to SEE what He sees.

We live out in a village like area of town. It's named after the greatest shaman of Mongolia, Derekh. Like I've said before there are dogs every-where. Either chained or ownerless and roaming free. Driving down our road you'll see dead dogs on the trash pile, hike up the mountain behind us and you'll see them rushing at you teeth barred and ready to attack. And they bark. They start around 11:00 at night and they bark alllllll night long. So one night I'm lying there asking Jesus *why* I can't sleep and I'm hearing the dogs. Nights go by as I command the dogs to "SHUT UP!!!! In Jesus' name!!!!" I know how to pray these prayers - I've been mama for almost 20 years so when you hear that baby wake up and you start praying "GOD!!!! You made the WHOLE WORLD!!! Please help the baby get back to sleep!!!!!"yeah...those kind of prayers. :):)

And then I started hearing other sounds in the dark. I hear loud, roaring laughter and fighting. Men who are drunk I'm assuming. They party for hours. After I'm in bed one night another party begins and I hear her screaming. This woman is screaming while the drunks roar with laughter and shouts. I jump out of bed and run to the window. I can't see anything, but my heart is racing and I'm mad. "If I had a gun with a good scope..." I think to myself and jar myself with the intensity of my anger. Jesus come. I think I can go out and try to find her and get the police, but there's no "safe house" for her here in this city - no place for her to go. Jesus, help me love these people - these drunks who need You just as much as the women they abuse. I start to pray. I pray for a long time as I lie next to the man who has never raised his voice at me, much less a hand. I fall asleep with tears streaming down my cheeks as I hear her again over the weeks to come. Jesus come.

When Jesus shows you the *why* of any situation you feel stuck in it can be a huge relief and sometimes it can feel like you're drowning. That's how I feel a lot of the time here in Mongolia. Not so much because of the culture shock, but more because He is showing me the pain and hurt and need of Mongolia. We're all broken, but in America the brokenness is so hidden beneath our comforts that it's hard to SEE. We can run to our favorite food, our closest friend, the next diet, buy something at the mall to soothe our need, or volunteer somewhere to make us feel like we're making a difference. But here...there's none of that, no comfort for the women I hear screaming at night or the little boy no older than 8 I saw helping his drunk father down the street this morning. Only Jesus can mend these kinds of wounds.

I know that Jesus is the only One who can come and make things right here. That's *why* I'm here - to pray for Jesus to be made so real to this country of beautiful, broken people. We came to build a bridge, and it seems firm and safe, for our dear Engs to walk across; but part of the reason we're here is for my 4yo on my back to watch me help a drunk man up off the floor of the bus while everyone else watches with hate and the 6yo helping me find him a seat and then she sees me pat his knee and say "It's okay...it's ooookaaay." We're here so my 17yo can listen to me tell her how I was "SO RUDE!!!" to a Mongolian who cut in the line I'd waited a very long time in that day and totally didn't act like Jesus. So our 15yo son can see his dad navigate very hard situations, choose kindness when he want's to wave his banner of "rights" as he set into place a healthy DNA for a lasting training school marked by faithfulness. We're here to SEE...that's why He brought us here. To SEE. And to teach our children to SEE.

So tonight I'll be wide awake I'm sure as the hundreds of dogs bark (the prayers didn't work -LOL) and listening to things I cannot physically go and help or change. I'll be moving the Lawman onto his side so he doesn't snore :), listening to my 6'1 son turn over in his too small bed, praying for the little cough I hear from the 2yo who's been around a precious lady with tuberculosis, planning something fun for my little girls, know that I don't have to worry about my oldest daughter getting her school done and I'll be praying for Jesus to show up and show off here in this land. Because He is attracted to me, His Bride. He loves to hear my voice and surprise me with answers to the things I ask of Him.

"I see...I see." I tell Him. "You and I both SEE...now move. Move in Your power and Your majesty."


Goodnight, from this beautiful, powerful land of the Blue Sky.