The Bubble

I've been avoiding it, my hoophouse, like I do the blast of heat when I open the door on the bread I made that requires a pan of water on the bottom shelf of my gas oven. Steam burns. Yes. Imagine that. Being in the hoophouse in the summer is akin to roasting yourself with wet heat. And for what? 

Nothing much at this point in the growing season as we wait for September to arrive next week. Most things are dead or dying and everything is overgrown under this 3,000 square foot bubble of plastic. Reseeding is happening, which is nice; but if I took you down to this place where I most often find sanctuary - you would, along with me, wonder, “Why do you find sanctuary here??” I think people feel this way about Church Refugees, “Why would you leave the church for…this?” Right? 

Well, I know why.

What is funny now, and never makes me laugh, is that when I dreamed of this 3,000 sqrft space I KNEW would be perfect. No pest pressure, no animal pressure…a controlled environment, actually. “Perfect.”

After we left the church building I think we entered into a sort of spiritual hoophouse. We would grow what we deemed good and eliminate what we thought unnecessary. “Perfect”, comes to mind. :) 

For a long time it was like we had “jumped ship” so to say…got in our little row boat and pulled back far enough from the mothership to see what in the wide world was this thing we couldn’t be a part of any longer. Here’s the truth, you cannot see what you’re a part of until you get outside of the system where you can see everything. 

Listen, I am so glad we got out. Deeply grateful.

While I’m writing I am listening to Maverick City’s “Kingdom”...and tears are running down my face. “Our eyes on the Son, your will be done.” This is crazy talk and this is the only way. The only way to be fully alive in Christ. Whatever the cost. His will be done.

My therapist asks me sometimes if I would go back and do anything different regarding when we left the church? I mean, sure. 

Maybe I would have more language now and be more clear in my thoughts, but no…absolutely not. I’d still open my loud mouth and stand up against the “Thing” that came in and brought deception and confusion to the beautiful part of the Bride we loved so much. 100% wouldn’t change a thing. 

But here is what I would change if I could go back.

When you enter the “Hoophouse of Deconstruction” you feel a sense of peace, really. Like you can finally breathe because, get this - God loves you. And not because of what you can do for Him, but all that He’s done for you. Deep breaths. 

You plant things you want to plant in here - like the following:

• Sabbath - who knew Sundays could actually bring rest as a lay person who “volunteers” at church? 

• Finding Him moving in lives at the coffee shop as much (if not more) than some churches.

• Realizing that all of these structures and systems are not necessary for God to be at work.

• Realizing that the money we put into the building, the staff, the ________ may not be actually what Jesus meant in the beginning.

• You cannot earn God’s love - not one Great Commissional bit. 

I could keep going. But…you’re welcome. :) You get the jist. And all true.

Oddly enough, I have learned by actually GROWING food in a controlled environment that other things grow that you didn’t plant or want to ever harvest, either. 

Pest and animals…yeah, things you didn’t plan on do get in and you see more destruction than any pest or animal you imagined would penetrate the plastic barrier you put around your “perfect” garden. To begin, it’s in the soil. The very soil of your heart.

You cannot get away from your dependence on God and Jesus Christ, the actual living HEAD OF THE CHURCH and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. No, ma’am. Or sir. 

So here I am on the outside of the literal hoophouse on our farm and on the outside of the Deconstruction Hoophouse of what grew in my and my husband’s lives. Maybe you’re wondering what grew during time in our bubble that we did not anticipate growing?

Things like:

• Arrogance toward denominations.

• Condescending views toward a structure and system that has done more good than anyone wants to talk about - think hospitals, orphanages, schools, clinics, churches in areas no one else would go.

• Aversion to buildings, staff and hierarchy - even though meeting in a home is a structure and has someone teaching, etc…at least nobody is touching your money.

• Curiosity that all roads lead to God. (They don’t.)

• A general sense that if it’s good for me, it’s good for everyone. (Not true)

But Jesus. 

Thank God for sending Jesus. You know, He just wrecks everything, actually. Comes in and turns the tables upside down in your “perfect bubble” and uses the whip, no less, to clean out the money changers. Praise GOD!

There came a time in our deconstruction journey where we couldn’t get a handle on the random things growing in our “perfect bubble”. How were we “SO MUCH BETTER” than church going denominational Christians who were messy and yet, actually caring for the poor and leading folks to Jesus while we were being triggered by certain worship songs or a pastor who was personality driven? Or God forgive, preaching topically.

Gah. We made ourselves sick of ourselves. 

Here’s the truth. I cannot do non denom anymore, as much as I want to. I am 100% here for messy people, but I cannot participate in church leadership who walk outside of integrity. I cringe at the word “strategy”...and I always will. Jesus blew up strategy by asking people to die for their faith. I never look forward to “church”, but I will ALWAYS show up for people and am ALWAYS blessed by the Father by others. Every time. I love the ancient ways of the Anglican church we are planting, but I love Jesus more. People like George Whitfield and George Washington for God’s sake were Anglican…but Jesus. He is all that He says in necessary. Just Jesus.

So here we are church planting in the Anglican tradition. And so is my mother, if you need something more shocking than Trump renaming Lake Ontario. Jesus, come. How long, oh Lord? 

God continues, in His faithfulness, to remind us that He is higher than our ways and that He works in mysterious ways…which means, not our ways. :) 

Maybe what I am trying to say is that hoophouses are seasonal. Grow in there in the cold months of the soul - you'll be surprised at what grows! But when the heat comes, get outside. Get outside where things grow wild and make you smile. God’s got it. I promise. Every single time!