Team vs Family

          team:

          noun

1.      1. a group of players forming one side in a competitive game or sport.

   
   

   2. a group of people who work together

   
   

   family:

   
   

   noun

   1. 1.

      a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.

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   2. 2.

      all the descendants of a common ancestor.

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        adjective

   1. 1.

      designed to be suitable for children as well as adults.

      
      

      
      

   I've been thinking about this a lot lately, actually - I've been processing this with the Lawman for over a year now... - the differences between a team and family. I'm sitting here wearing my 16yo son's team football hoodie and fully invested in helping to raise a family of six children. I have an idea of the differences, but I've been more aware of them lately. Juxtaposed to each other in our Western culture, team and family are often confused - especially in the Church.

   
   

   I like to think about how Church gets worked out in different cultures. I've been breathing in and out the  strategy of "church" from the age of two so I realize most "normal" people don't stand at the sink doing dishes and think about this stuff. Grace on me being weird. ;) But the Bride - she's beautiful and she deserves some thought - at least as much thought as we give what we'll eat and wear in a given day. 

   
   

   I've had multiple conversations with people over the past year that have made me sad. These people are what the Church calls "key leaders" and they're telling me things like "I would never tell my leaders these things because they'll judge me and suggest medication again." or "I don't feel safe sharing my heart." Now whether that's true or not- how have we gotten to the place, in the Church, where leaders cannot be broken and hurting? Because we're often not safe...often, we communicate team rather than family.

   
   

   When we came to the church where we serve the atmosphere breathed in and out family. I know that's rare, but yall...it's worth the exhausting effort to find. It was so refreshing to the Lawman and me because when we read the Bible what we read was a story about a Family. In fact, it started with a Family - the Trinity. And all the way down to Jesus and the disciples, family is the structure of the stories we see changing history. Over and over and over again. What's hard about this structure is that it is messy, it takes more effort and is rarely efficient. But it is absolutely Beautiful. More Beautiful because it takes a Supernatural infusion of Jesus to make it work. It's upside down from what culture calls successful - because most of it is worked out one on one/life on life by broken people who wake up clinging to Jesus every morning. Not the team mentality of church we had experienced before. 
   
   

   
   

   Because of this family atmosphere I had an open invitation to be Ami - broken and weak and often in need of support and strength. I remember sitting on our couch crying, from exhaustion and the isolation of "too much ministry", to our dear pastor and his wife (you have to risk to experience Love, FYI :) and them looking at us and saying "Yall need a break - you need to rest. Take as much time as you need." There were no probing "What sin patterns are yall in that are keeping you from effective ministry??" kind of questions, no condemnation...just love. Love that invited rest and a space to recover from new baby, a season of "hard" in our small group and transitions in friendships. Our pastor and his wife are family to the Lawman and me - they invite our hearts and affirm that Jesus is in us. But I know that's not the norm for a lot of people in the Church - we had experienced something very different from family for many years and something in me thought they might be lying, but they weren't. You may not have a pastor/his wife or small group leaders who are like a brother and sister, but rather communicate that you're "too much"...and I'm really, really sorry. Family is out there and I pray you find them don't stop searching...it's worth all the effort.

   
   

   It's true that we often communicate something different in the Church. Often it's that people need to be "cleaned up" (cool, performers, etc) before they can be a part of the *team*. But that's not how a family works. Family keeps supporting and lending strength and love and saying "You're a valuable part of this family." And teams can't do that if their goal is to win - a team requires the best players in the best positions. 
   
   In a family it's ok to be where you're at - even if that place means you're needing more strength/support than the others. Many times that means that "mom and dad" have to readjust the pace, the environment,  or the older kids have to pick up the slack, etc. for the ones in the family needing more support. And from a parental perspective that can just plain ole STINK sometimes! And sometimes your stuck...like we were getting on the 14 hour flight from China to London and not even have taken off and the 2yo crying in our laps saying "I don't yike parplanes!!!! I not want da parplane!!!!!!" For the LOVE!!!!! And as a parent you're sitting there thinking "We will NEVER take an international flight with a 2yo EVER again." But you never once think, we need to replace this kid with a more mature kid.
   
   "Weak" doesn't get you kicked out of the family - it may require that the family slows it's pace and cares for you - and that's humbling, but it's Love lived out in flesh and blood. I've learned that hurting/weak people change how we say things, do things, communicate things. And they also slow us down, as a whole,...way down. Have I mentioned that family is not efficient?? Just walk through Target with a 2yo or a 20yo with a broken knee and see how efficient that can be for your "quick" grocery trip. ;) And family is not a great growth plan - seriously...the majority of American churches would not agree with the way Jesus told His people He would change the world...through some uncool, broken, low performance (the fisherman couldn't even catch fish, fyi:) people living life with other people and pointing them to the Cross. 
   
   

   A lot of times in America it's important - keeping in mind that growing a church is an imperative goal, often THE goal - to make sure *star players* are front and center.  Or you might think of them as the *cool people* - often attractive, not having much if any baggage and the gift mix to make goals and reach them, successful...high performers might be another term. Performance is the way American's think - we are a group thought culture and we are attracted to the things we want to model. I get it and yet I'm exhausted just typing that out and honestly a bit nauseated as it relates to the Bride. Because the Gospel - JESUS - is not about performance, rather JESUS is about growth. People growing - not performing. I want to make clear that family does not exclude the cool, gifted and talented people - not at all. Family welcomes and values everyone. Family also does not require that you have a certain gift mix, have your "stuff" together and family VALUES everyone and EVERYONE gets to be a part. And every parent knows that you don't give the 2yo the checkbook or ask them to lead the family...but the 2yo is just as valuable as the parent. 

   
   

   What family does is this - it realizes that everyone is at a different place of maturity and ability and is OK with that fact. You do not ask a toddler to do what an adult does - that's crazy. But what you do realize is that if a toddler is always treated as a toddler and excluded from the adult environment and she is not invited to participate in adult activity - even if all she's doing is observing - she will never learn what it means to be an adult. Can I stop here and say that I'm not talking about real live toddlers and adults, actually I am too; but not in this sense right now. I'm talking about grown people. I'm talking about Family - the one Jesus mentioned when he looked at his momma and brothers/sisters and said "Who are you? These (the folks he was with) are my family." That's the Family I'm speaking of in this post. He knew that when you care for people in the way a Family is supposed to care for them that it grows...dramatically fast.

   
   So here's to the Church taking a risk on folks like me and Lawman - the weird, broken, home school-private school-public schooling, "too much", large family who walked into Family and found Home. When I feel outta place in certain American Church settings or listen to weeping friends talk about it not being safe to share their hearts to the people who should be the safest, I remember that Jesus skipped over the "cool" people who had it all "together" and went for the folks who were marginalized and needed a LOT of help. He wanted people who KNEW they needed a Hero - someone to Rescue them and give them New Life. And He did...to the point that they would all give their lives for Him. That's the kind of Family I want to be a part of...where everyone gets to be valued and included no matter their need for support...because a huge, efficient, "winning" team has nothing on a Living Family.