Ma

Shaking my head, I smile and watch her from the fence where I have just thrown hay over for the cows and sheep. Ma is an old Cheviot sheep we have here on the farm. This will more than likely be the last year she lambs before she retires to finish out her days here. Ma is my favorite sheep out of my husband's flock. She is the queen of all the other sheep, and they all know it and so does she. This is helpful to us, too. Many times, like when the sheep need to be moved to the barn or come to my husband to have their hooves looked at, Ma will lead everyone like an upperclassman leads new freshmen. "He is kind and he is good." she seems to baaa to the other sheep about their shepherd. 

Being the queen of the herd, all of the sheep keep their eye on what Ma is doing throughout the day. But this morning I watch the flock run up the hill when they see me throwing hay over the fence. All of the sheep but Ma. I had wondered how long it would take for one of the animals to figure this out and honestly, I thought it would be my dairy cow, Sweet Caroline.

Animals are led by their stomachs when they're hungry. If they think you're tossing anything good over the fence they will make haste across the pasture, even if what they were munching on is better. Crazy. Pigs are the worst, but these sheep are not too far behind being led by their desires over what is true - feed has more nutrition than hay this time of year.

I stand there watching them run around trying to decide which pile of the eight piles of hay I created that they would eat. I spread the hay out hoping they will not fight over one big mound, but inevitably - as in every single time - they gather and crowd around one mound of hay and fight like it's a newly poured bag of Sweet 16 from Tucker Milling.

Every morning this week I have fed the sheep and my two dairy cows their sweet feed down by the barn. Usually, my husband does this; but he is gone this week and I have enjoyed the extra time with his flock. We do things differently on the farm, my husband and me. He throws hay and feed over the fence all together and not evenly spaced out. He does this because he is not fazed by the pastoral conflict that ensues like I am. 

Maybe it is because I have mothered six children, but I do want things to be fair if at all possible - actually, I cannot stand fighting and that is my motivation. "You cut the cookie and then they can choose the piece." "It is his turn up front because it was yours last time." You get the idea, I try. In fact, here on the farm, I work really hard to try and make sure every animal gets what they need. But as this week comes to a close, I realize that all of my efforts are not really making a difference with these sheep. It seems they like to struggle, and I feel discouraged. It makes me wonder if this is how God feels about us sometimes.

As I watched Ma, I think back over the morning. I had poured a long line of feed on the ground down by the barn like usual, hoping they would all get a bit. Once the other animals on the farm were fed, I brought the hay up here on the hill to try and give the ground by the barn a break from the constant trampling. Of course, like every other morning this week - the sheep and my cows come running. A few days ago when the morning air was cold enough to see the words coming out of my mouth, I told all of them, "If some of you were smart, you would stay down there where there's still feed and eat the rest instead of this dead grass." 

Animals need more calories in the winter to keep them warm. Our animals are usually pregnant during the winter and so we try our best to get their caloric intake up. I keep my four momma goats in the barn at night in their own stalls so that they can have their own scoop of feed. But we have too many sheep for them to have their own stalls. It is important to get nutritious food when you're pregnant with a child or a lamb. And all of these pregnant mommies are hungry. Most mothers will do whatever she needs to do to make sure her child thrives. Ma, too. 

There she was this morning doing just that - Ma had stayed behind where the remaining, more nutrient dense feed was on the ground rather than run up the hill for hay. It reminded me of the scripture where Paul is telling the Ephesians, "Don't be tossed on the waves by every wind of doctrine or human cunning or craftiness in deceitful schemes." In other words, do not run to the next thing you think will fill you better than what really will fill you. 

Watching Ma was no big revelation, but it was just another way to see Him. Paul was encouraging the Ephesians to essentially, grow up. He knew that what God had placed in the womb of the Ephesians spirits could not grow to its fullness if they ran from thing to thing because it looked better. I get that. I feel this is the invitation I am being offered on this part of my faith journey, too. My Shepherd seems to be saying, "Ami...I have everything you need to grow what I've placed inside of your spirit. Remain. I've got you...nothing this world has to offer is better. Don't follow the crowd."

Ma's babies should arrive next month. February is when we all start worrying about cold nights and my husband goes out with a headlamp to check on ewes. He will take the lambs and carry them to the barn knowing that the moms will follow. My goats hate this - they hate sharing stalls, but every animal on our farm loves newborns and a certain holy quiet will settle over the barn when they arrive. And once the babies grow and bring along the chaos of life we will settle into the rockers on the porch and watch them run and jump in the new spring grass. Spring and new life always comes, every single time.