How We Came to Have Six Children AKA: Safety Pins and KFC
A young mom asked me yesterday, "How do you teach your children to hear and obey Jesus?" I sat there and really couldn't think of what to say. The only thing that came to mind was "Take your kids with you as you obey Jesus." It made me think of this story and I thought to share. :)
If you're around us much you know that there's a huge gap in between our oldest three kids and the youngest. Nine years to be exact. :) My firstborn was 13 when my fourth baby was born and it was beautiful. It all started with us in a posture of surrender and willingness to embrace being misunderstood...and terrified of getting in over our heads and being misunderstood. ;)
If you're following Jesus for very long He will lovingly start to mess with you. He will, if you yield, take you on an adventure of risk and beautiful uncertainty. I used to think this kind of living was foolish, at least that's what I was being taught. God made sense, He promoted the wise and He certainly didn't make you look foolish. We really tried our hardest for years to NOT be foolish and thankfully we just couldn't ever get our lives to make sense. ;) Praise. Today we're surrounded by folks who know the Bible narrative is full of foolish crazy people who love Jesus. Deeply thankful. Love our tribe.
I should probably tell you that we got married when we were very young, 19 and 20. Three months into marriage we found out we were pregnant with our first child. The Lawman was 19 and I had just turned 21 the day the test showed a half filled circle. I remember calling the 1-800 number on the box of the Blue Moon test and telling the lady on the other side "So, it's only HALF filled...the little circle thingy...not even filled up all the way. That's not a positive result, right?" She responded saying that "Any blue in the test area is a positive result."
The Lawman was in his sophomore year of college and working as a roofer too and I was working at a daycare when we found out we would be parents. We had planned on certainly waiting until my husband graduated from college to start a family, but maybe even letting me get a degree too before my belly filled with babies. Thankfully, Jesus had other plans. We had three children and lost a child in the period of the next four years. Family members offered to pay for abortions as culture said two children was more than enough and we were feeling overwhelmed.
A few weeks before our third child was born, we decided to have a permanent procedure done on the Lawman. He was 24 and we were both relieved to not be bothered with continuing to "Breed like rabbits." as one family member said to us after our second baby arrived. We were hopeful to fit in - fit into culture and a bright future and the American Dream.
It's interesting to me looking back now. We had nobody in our lives discipling us or even a small group leader we could ask for prayer. We have lead small groups since high school and when we got married it didn't stop - so we were the ones who "knew things" and can we all just say that's concerning???!! Because we didn't know anything much at all. And we would both tell you know we don't know a whole lot more nowadays. :)
Fast forward...
About 12 years into marriage God began asking us to surrender control in just about every area of life. From our finances to learning spiritual disciplines to stepping out and asking questions about hearing God speak...to having more kids, He was messing with us. As we thought about more children we naturally thought about adoption because of the procedure we had had years before. It felt like God led us to a precious little girl, but in the end it wasn't what Jesus had in mind.
We thought that was it...we had pursued adoption and surrendered to Him and it didn't work out. And then some friends of ours suggested a vas-reversal. "What???! No." Chris said. We had neither one thought about him having surgery. We were relieved as we researched the options and realized that thousands and thousands of dollars ($12-20K) - that we didn't have - would have to be paid to have the reversal. That kind of relief that says, "
Did you know that if you're crazy, you will feel the most comfortable with others who are crazy too. :) Like you get each other. Yeah...so we have some friends/family who are every bit as crazy as we are and we feel known and at home around them and honestly - they are never pulsed by anything we tell them Jesus is asking us to do. In fact, they're our biggest cheerleaders. Love them deeply.
These friends knew of our journey and happened to find this doctor in Oklahoma who was just starting his practice reversing vasectomies. He had practiced as a general surgeon for 15 years. The cost was $200.00. This is where normal people stop and say, "Nope." They realize that the low cost of a major surgery is a sign that it's DANGEROUS. Gah.
Can I just say that we felt chicken? We just couldn't...couldn't take the leap. So we put out a fleece. We didn't tell anybody what it was and we set a date. "If someone gives us the money by (this date) we'll know Jesus wants us to do the procedure."
And we were confident nobody would.
Con-fi-dent.
Well. On the last day someone faxed us a picture of a check for $250.00...enough for the procedure and gas (because God has sense of humor). By that time I had allowed myself to long for more children and tears streamed down my face.
We made the appointment and called a sweet young couple we love who lived in the town where the procedure would take place and asked to spend the night. We arrived there late and Chris - always the compassionate pastor's heart - offered to go throw the newspaper early the next morning with our young friend who was trying to make ends meet. We laugh now as Chris retells the story of dogs chasing them as they threw dog treats their way to get the papers delivered.
Myself and our three children (8, 10 & 12 yo's) dropped Chris off at the doctor's office that Saturday morning around 9:00 and were told to pick him up around noon. The procedure was on a Saturday and there was no other staff present and you would think that a normal person would wonder why. But not us - for some reason God did not install those alarms in our mind. The doctor told us that the reason for the deflated cost of the procedure was due to his not perfecting the anesthesia since Chris was only his second patient. I looked at my husband's wide eyes and said "You don't have to do this. For real." He smiled and said "It's alright - let's give it a try."
Noon came and went and we waited for the phone call. Around 1:00 my phone rang, "So. We're only half done." his voice sounded weak. "So. I don't know, Aim. I'll just call you when we're finished. And another thing...I'll need a jock strap." I told him I loved him and was praying. We hung up and I told the kids it would be awhile longer.
Can't believe I'm typing this, but my husband had refused to bring a jock strap 8 years earlier to get the original procedure and I had taken my 9 month pregnant self to Target to find one. Needless to say I felt awkward. And again - this would be my second time to go buy a jock strap. With three kids. I was not too happy, but compassionate enough for him and all he was going through for us to obey Jesus. And it would make up for all those hormonal times I had asked him to "Run to the store..." and grab the things I needed.
We drove around until we found the local WalMart and made our way back to the sporting section in Muskogee, OK. Yall. Imagine me and three kids standing in front of a wall of jock straps trying to decide which one to buy. If you have kids you know that they're so helpful. Sometimes they're more helpful than you'd like. My oldest was approaching adolescences and aware of what we were looking for and he was trying to find anything, but jockstraps to look at and wandered off. The other two were discussing the sizes and "Which one would fit daddy, mama?" Jesus on a bicycle. I just grabbed one. My youngest son wanted to hold it and so did his sister and as we walked to the register the grabbing and general tug of war (they still do this at times - one is in college and one is a linebacker and junior in high school...it never stops) of who was going to hold the plastic carton made the delightful thing fly across the aisle and pop open as it landed on the glossy laminate floor. "Jesus, just make it stop." choked in my throat.
Eventually, my more than tired husband called to say it was time to pick him up. We arrived and visited with the doctor who told us that there was less than 1 % chance of us getting pregnant after he had done some testing. We got Chris is the car laying down on the middle bench of Big Momma (our suburban - yes, we name our cars:) and the doctor reminded us that there would be some discomfort and to change the gauze when we got home to Fort Worth. Chris tiredly told us about listening to 8 hours of gregorian chants and other unfamiliar Brethren music as he laid flat on his back on a hard table while the procedure was being done. Bless.
It was dinnertime and the kids were hungry and Chris hadn't had any lunch so we stopped at the local KFC. Again, as I tell this part of the story you may ask yourself "Did you head directly to the ER???!!" Uh, no. And yes - one should if one's husband gets out of the car after surgery (he was awake for the whole procedure, BTW) and they see blood dripping from out of his pants leg with each footfall. But no. We didn't. I told him, "Baby, you have blood dripping out of your jeans." He looked down and said "Oh, wow...I'll go into the bathroom."
We waited for a long while for him to come out. When he didn't I asked my youngest to "Go check on daddy." He entered the restroom and came out eyes as big as Neptune and said, "Daddy needs you." I responded, "In the BATHROOM?"... "Yeah, mommy...really. He needs you."
I stationed his little 8yo body at the door of the men's bathroom saying "No matter what - don't let anyone come in." as my older two kids tried to melt and disappear into the vinyl red booths of the Colonel while their mom entered the men's restroom. When I walked in - I just can't even tell you here on this public space...let's just say that tubing was attached to this saint of a man with large safety pins. Safety pins. Through his skin. Blood pumping out of the tubing with each heartbeat and him saying "Help me."
Oh, my gosh!!!!!!!! This is when normal people go to the ER. But weird people clean the blood mess up off the floor, bend the tubes to stop the bleeding and use an absorbent piece of product most women carry in their purse in case of emergency to stifle bleeding and then they go sit down and eat fried chicken.
Yall. Yall. Yall.
Not.
Normal.
We made it home that night and started the long process of him healing. We really had no hope of more children, we just knew Jesus had made it pretty darn clear what He was inviting us into ~ surrender. We were all surprised when six months later we found out that a baby was on the way. She made her entrance the next January and brought so much joy. Later two more beautiful Image bearers came along. Joy immeasurable.
Teaching our children to hear Jesus is a daily thing, I think that letting them come along with you in your obedience must play a part too. What I do know is that my kids teach me more than I have ever taught them. They're my favorite people. And thanks to a brave, heroic man I know we have six beautiful blessings we get to call our own.
Here's to hearing Jesus and doing whatever He says!
If you're around us much you know that there's a huge gap in between our oldest three kids and the youngest. Nine years to be exact. :) My firstborn was 13 when my fourth baby was born and it was beautiful. It all started with us in a posture of surrender and willingness to embrace being misunderstood...and terrified of getting in over our heads and being misunderstood. ;)
If you're following Jesus for very long He will lovingly start to mess with you. He will, if you yield, take you on an adventure of risk and beautiful uncertainty. I used to think this kind of living was foolish, at least that's what I was being taught. God made sense, He promoted the wise and He certainly didn't make you look foolish. We really tried our hardest for years to NOT be foolish and thankfully we just couldn't ever get our lives to make sense. ;) Praise. Today we're surrounded by folks who know the Bible narrative is full of foolish crazy people who love Jesus. Deeply thankful. Love our tribe.
I should probably tell you that we got married when we were very young, 19 and 20. Three months into marriage we found out we were pregnant with our first child. The Lawman was 19 and I had just turned 21 the day the test showed a half filled circle. I remember calling the 1-800 number on the box of the Blue Moon test and telling the lady on the other side "So, it's only HALF filled...the little circle thingy...not even filled up all the way. That's not a positive result, right?" She responded saying that "Any blue in the test area is a positive result."
The Lawman was in his sophomore year of college and working as a roofer too and I was working at a daycare when we found out we would be parents. We had planned on certainly waiting until my husband graduated from college to start a family, but maybe even letting me get a degree too before my belly filled with babies. Thankfully, Jesus had other plans. We had three children and lost a child in the period of the next four years. Family members offered to pay for abortions as culture said two children was more than enough and we were feeling overwhelmed.
A few weeks before our third child was born, we decided to have a permanent procedure done on the Lawman. He was 24 and we were both relieved to not be bothered with continuing to "Breed like rabbits." as one family member said to us after our second baby arrived. We were hopeful to fit in - fit into culture and a bright future and the American Dream.
It's interesting to me looking back now. We had nobody in our lives discipling us or even a small group leader we could ask for prayer. We have lead small groups since high school and when we got married it didn't stop - so we were the ones who "knew things" and can we all just say that's concerning???!! Because we didn't know anything much at all. And we would both tell you know we don't know a whole lot more nowadays. :)
Fast forward...
About 12 years into marriage God began asking us to surrender control in just about every area of life. From our finances to learning spiritual disciplines to stepping out and asking questions about hearing God speak...to having more kids, He was messing with us. As we thought about more children we naturally thought about adoption because of the procedure we had had years before. It felt like God led us to a precious little girl, but in the end it wasn't what Jesus had in mind.
We thought that was it...we had pursued adoption and surrendered to Him and it didn't work out. And then some friends of ours suggested a vas-reversal. "What???! No." Chris said. We had neither one thought about him having surgery. We were relieved as we researched the options and realized that thousands and thousands of dollars ($12-20K) - that we didn't have - would have to be paid to have the reversal. That kind of relief that says, "
Did you know that if you're crazy, you will feel the most comfortable with others who are crazy too. :) Like you get each other. Yeah...so we have some friends/family who are every bit as crazy as we are and we feel known and at home around them and honestly - they are never pulsed by anything we tell them Jesus is asking us to do. In fact, they're our biggest cheerleaders. Love them deeply.
These friends knew of our journey and happened to find this doctor in Oklahoma who was just starting his practice reversing vasectomies. He had practiced as a general surgeon for 15 years. The cost was $200.00. This is where normal people stop and say, "Nope." They realize that the low cost of a major surgery is a sign that it's DANGEROUS. Gah.
Can I just say that we felt chicken? We just couldn't...couldn't take the leap. So we put out a fleece. We didn't tell anybody what it was and we set a date. "If someone gives us the money by (this date) we'll know Jesus wants us to do the procedure."
And we were confident nobody would.
Con-fi-dent.
Well. On the last day someone faxed us a picture of a check for $250.00...enough for the procedure and gas (because God has sense of humor). By that time I had allowed myself to long for more children and tears streamed down my face.
We made the appointment and called a sweet young couple we love who lived in the town where the procedure would take place and asked to spend the night. We arrived there late and Chris - always the compassionate pastor's heart - offered to go throw the newspaper early the next morning with our young friend who was trying to make ends meet. We laugh now as Chris retells the story of dogs chasing them as they threw dog treats their way to get the papers delivered.
Myself and our three children (8, 10 & 12 yo's) dropped Chris off at the doctor's office that Saturday morning around 9:00 and were told to pick him up around noon. The procedure was on a Saturday and there was no other staff present and you would think that a normal person would wonder why. But not us - for some reason God did not install those alarms in our mind. The doctor told us that the reason for the deflated cost of the procedure was due to his not perfecting the anesthesia since Chris was only his second patient. I looked at my husband's wide eyes and said "You don't have to do this. For real." He smiled and said "It's alright - let's give it a try."
Noon came and went and we waited for the phone call. Around 1:00 my phone rang, "So. We're only half done." his voice sounded weak. "So. I don't know, Aim. I'll just call you when we're finished. And another thing...I'll need a jock strap." I told him I loved him and was praying. We hung up and I told the kids it would be awhile longer. Can't believe I'm typing this, but my husband had refused to bring a jock strap 8 years earlier to get the original procedure and I had taken my 9 month pregnant self to Target to find one. Needless to say I felt awkward. And again - this would be my second time to go buy a jock strap. With three kids. I was not too happy, but compassionate enough for him and all he was going through for us to obey Jesus. And it would make up for all those hormonal times I had asked him to "Run to the store..." and grab the things I needed.
We drove around until we found the local WalMart and made our way back to the sporting section in Muskogee, OK. Yall. Imagine me and three kids standing in front of a wall of jock straps trying to decide which one to buy. If you have kids you know that they're so helpful. Sometimes they're more helpful than you'd like. My oldest was approaching adolescences and aware of what we were looking for and he was trying to find anything, but jockstraps to look at and wandered off. The other two were discussing the sizes and "Which one would fit daddy, mama?" Jesus on a bicycle. I just grabbed one. My youngest son wanted to hold it and so did his sister and as we walked to the register the grabbing and general tug of war (they still do this at times - one is in college and one is a linebacker and junior in high school...it never stops) of who was going to hold the plastic carton made the delightful thing fly across the aisle and pop open as it landed on the glossy laminate floor. "Jesus, just make it stop." choked in my throat.
Eventually, my more than tired husband called to say it was time to pick him up. We arrived and visited with the doctor who told us that there was less than 1 % chance of us getting pregnant after he had done some testing. We got Chris is the car laying down on the middle bench of Big Momma (our suburban - yes, we name our cars:) and the doctor reminded us that there would be some discomfort and to change the gauze when we got home to Fort Worth. Chris tiredly told us about listening to 8 hours of gregorian chants and other unfamiliar Brethren music as he laid flat on his back on a hard table while the procedure was being done. Bless.
It was dinnertime and the kids were hungry and Chris hadn't had any lunch so we stopped at the local KFC. Again, as I tell this part of the story you may ask yourself "Did you head directly to the ER???!!" Uh, no. And yes - one should if one's husband gets out of the car after surgery (he was awake for the whole procedure, BTW) and they see blood dripping from out of his pants leg with each footfall. But no. We didn't. I told him, "Baby, you have blood dripping out of your jeans." He looked down and said "Oh, wow...I'll go into the bathroom."
We waited for a long while for him to come out. When he didn't I asked my youngest to "Go check on daddy." He entered the restroom and came out eyes as big as Neptune and said, "Daddy needs you." I responded, "In the BATHROOM?"... "Yeah, mommy...really. He needs you."
I stationed his little 8yo body at the door of the men's bathroom saying "No matter what - don't let anyone come in." as my older two kids tried to melt and disappear into the vinyl red booths of the Colonel while their mom entered the men's restroom. When I walked in - I just can't even tell you here on this public space...let's just say that tubing was attached to this saint of a man with large safety pins. Safety pins. Through his skin. Blood pumping out of the tubing with each heartbeat and him saying "Help me."
Oh, my gosh!!!!!!!! This is when normal people go to the ER. But weird people clean the blood mess up off the floor, bend the tubes to stop the bleeding and use an absorbent piece of product most women carry in their purse in case of emergency to stifle bleeding and then they go sit down and eat fried chicken.
Yall. Yall. Yall.
Not.
Normal.
We made it home that night and started the long process of him healing. We really had no hope of more children, we just knew Jesus had made it pretty darn clear what He was inviting us into ~ surrender. We were all surprised when six months later we found out that a baby was on the way. She made her entrance the next January and brought so much joy. Later two more beautiful Image bearers came along. Joy immeasurable.
Teaching our children to hear Jesus is a daily thing, I think that letting them come along with you in your obedience must play a part too. What I do know is that my kids teach me more than I have ever taught them. They're my favorite people. And thanks to a brave, heroic man I know we have six beautiful blessings we get to call our own.
Here's to hearing Jesus and doing whatever He says!
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