Sabbatical Thoughts Vol 1
This is going to be a quick post because I don't know how long my people will allow me to sit down. ;) But I want to get my thoughts down before I forget ~ like the feeling of leaving a wedding and the joy of new and beginning and love fresh on your soul instead of the memory of it as the days beg for attention to other details. Praise God above I just heard the Lawman say yes to a request from the little people to go on a walk in the rain - maybe this post is going to happen. :):)
We are taking this sabbatical time to experiment, imagine and rest. It's been a boost to our tired souls. This morning we decided to go to our neighborhood church - three blocks away. We've always admired St. John's beautiful spires and arches and love her presence here in the space we call home. She was founded in 1924, four years after our home was built - she's been around a long while and that says a lot. Her bells peal across the neighborhood everyday. She's lovely.
I'm hoping that as I post blogs during our sabbatical that nothing I say comes off as being the "best way" or that our difference cannot be appreciated. Because it is our very differences that make us lovely. Just like every one of my children is beautiful they are all very different too. But they all love Jesus. And none of us does this things called "church" the "right" way...we're all just reaching different people groups. I don't take my oldest to Chuckee Cheese, but it works for the 2yo! :) We're all wired differently and it's just alright...totally alright.
We had planned to walk to church this morning, but because we live in Texas we don't have any umbrellas and the one Sunday we planned this adventure - it pours. LOL! And we're not complaining! Rain is GLORIOUS in these parts. So our oldest daughter dropped us off at the door and then drove home to take her and her brother to our home church. The minute we walked in we noticed the difference between our home church and St. John's. At home the foyer and music is LOUD. People greet you with huge smiles and you find your seat amidst LOUD conversation going on by the patrons. At St. Johns it's very quite and reflective and as I walk in first with the girls I hear my joyful Lawman closely yelling to the usher "GOOD MORNING!!!" I whisper out the door "Sshhhhh!"
We make our way to the nursery to let the two smallest people play, eat and enjoy a Bible story for 45 minutes. We walk back into the sanctuary and sit down with our seven year old who is in awe. It's so very peaceful. An invitation to our souls to be refreshed and renewed. There is space to look at the beautiful architecture and stained glass that centuries ago used to tell illiterate peoples the stories of the Bible and we hear hymns played on an ancient organ.
I find myself relaxing.
I'm breathing.
I feel emotion rising.
I remember...you have to create space to fill your soul.
There should be some footage taken of our clan attending high church services. Oh, my, word. We attended a Christmas pageant at an anglican church downtown last year. The whole family. We loudly sat down, wiggled through the whole thing (me too - pews are a whoopin' on my back) and one of the toddlers sighed REALLY loudly during a lull and said "Ahhhhhh, is it almost OOOOOOOVER???" The whole thing lasted an hour and half and the youngest of the clan moved everywhere trying to see what was happening with the shepherds and animals. Of course, all of the up and down and kneeling and responsive prayers - so yeah, THOSE weren't exactly in sync on our row. Which is fine because we were guest and just so happen to learn at the end, as he stood, that the 2yo and I had been sitting right next to the Bishop of the whole darn diocese. "Awesome"
But this morning it was just three of us sitting in a sanctuary - a sanctuary that felt like sanctuary to our spirit in this hectic, loud culture. It was quiet, but joy abounded as people came in a whispered and smiled. Beautiful. The organ began a new song and the ceremony of the cross being carried in with the candle representing the Holy Spirit, children helping and reminding us of the value He placed on them and the robes ~ they all called us to remember that this is sacred, this is holy, this time - it's set apart from the ways of the World.
Beautiful
Peaceful
Symbolic
Like a lot of churches these days St John's has a handout with the order of service typed on it. Every detail written down. We sang, we prayed responsive prayers, we read long passages of scripture, we kneeled, we stood, we sat, we observed. We - all of us were playing a huge part of this event. One of the things we noticed was how integral the patrons were to the order of service. You kind of had to have your *game on* so to speak - it wasn't a place to come and observe, you were here to participate in an ancient ceremony. And while I struggled to keep up I noticed that my daughter was loving being a part.
Toward the end I leaned over to the Lawman and pointed to the part where it said "sermon"...he pointed too and we both kind of shrugged like...we're past that part...wonder what happened? There were three or four guys in robes and they had all spoken or read the Word...who knows who the "senior pastor" was. The area where the sermon would've happened all of the VBS workers and kids stood up front and shared how Jesus had revealed Himself to them and others this past week. They sang a few songs and then sat down. It took about 15-20 minutes for them to share ~ beautiful. Valuing their place and what Jesus is doing/will do in and through them.
As we follow the handout we see that it's about time to take communion and the Lawman notices that people are leaving the sanctuary and coming back in with their children. We quickly run to get our littlest people and return in time to follow our row up into the back part of the sanctuary to take communion. Two lines form and three friars are serving. And I begin to cry. The Holy Spirit is so present in the ceremony of communion. We all kneel before the friars and they are echoing each other as they serve the elements to the saints "This is His body, broken for you."..."This is His blood, spilled just for you." The friar blesses each of our children and as I look to my right I see tears brimming in the Lawman's eyes. Something holy just happened and we're both moved.
We sit back down and wait for everyone to join in the sacred, ancient act of communion. As we wait I feel tears falling down my cheeks. I realize - PROFOUNDLY - realize that I've been waiting for the sermon (the time when I see how Jesus is going to help me live my life) and had forgotten - PROFOUNDLY - forgotten that the one thing He asked us always to do when we get together was this holy act of remembering Him. And when we collectively remember Him something happens...something sacred happens in the spirit world. Things are made right. Things are made right when we lift our heads and remember Him and forget ourselves.
And then it was over. No one had played a more important part in the whole thing ~ we couldn't distinguish between anyone, really...except Him. Jesus was what I came away with this morning. A sense that the whole hour was for Him and not us. We all participated in the act of worshipping Him through our worship as the Bride.
We loved all of the grey hair that comes from people who have called a local church home for a very long time. We loved the beauty in every detail. We laughed about how I let the friar feed me the wafer and the Lawman grabbed it from him. We loved chatting with the stranger who drove us home.
We are loving our sabbatical.
We're asking a lot of questions and dealing with things in our heart that haven't surfaced until now because of busyness. We're realizing - QUICKLY - that we play a very small part in this whole big picture called the Church.
Sitting at St. John's today I was intrigued by the ceremony and beauty, but I wondered too how many of her regular folks get bored by ceremony? They don't have small groups in their home so they I wondered if church stayed at church for many of them and never came home? And I'm pretty sure my little people didn't learn how to hear Jesus and gain a heart for the nations in nursery like they do at our home church? But I can immediately start going crazy trying to figure out "the best" way to reach my city/nation/world...but I don't know, I'm kinda tired of reinventing the wheel. :)
Jesus said to make disciples and that's something I can do - I just have to make space for that to happen with people who don't know about Him. Discipleship is what He left us with as the way to change the world, not the best/most awesome/most exciting church experience. So I'll leave the church strategy thing to people who are trained to figure that out (I know they're - whoever "they" are - are relieved;), but for sure a take away so far, three weeks into this sabbatical, is that I know for damn sure is that I am enlivened by my front door being the front door to the bigger body of the church and I'm even more enlivened when I pray for boldness and reach out to people longing for Hope instead of turning inward to people too concerned about their own lives to reach for the ones who have never felt the Joy rise in their heart or known of His sacrificial love.I know y'all are hearing the pastoral gifting I have drip off every word of those last two sentences. ;) Just keeping it real and honoring my wiring! :):)
So I'm giving myself permission to create the space needed to do what the saints in the Early Church did in Acts 4:24-30 and pray for boldness to speak to the lost and see Him do signs and wonders and add to our number or not. I'll leave that up to Him. :) But for now it's how I can live from a place of desire and see the Kingdom touch the Earth. I love the pastors who want to figure out the care of all of us sheep, but I think I might be more of a ranger looking for the ones who don't know the way home. So here's to being honest and continuing to find Rest.
We are taking this sabbatical time to experiment, imagine and rest. It's been a boost to our tired souls. This morning we decided to go to our neighborhood church - three blocks away. We've always admired St. John's beautiful spires and arches and love her presence here in the space we call home. She was founded in 1924, four years after our home was built - she's been around a long while and that says a lot. Her bells peal across the neighborhood everyday. She's lovely.
I'm hoping that as I post blogs during our sabbatical that nothing I say comes off as being the "best way" or that our difference cannot be appreciated. Because it is our very differences that make us lovely. Just like every one of my children is beautiful they are all very different too. But they all love Jesus. And none of us does this things called "church" the "right" way...we're all just reaching different people groups. I don't take my oldest to Chuckee Cheese, but it works for the 2yo! :) We're all wired differently and it's just alright...totally alright.
We had planned to walk to church this morning, but because we live in Texas we don't have any umbrellas and the one Sunday we planned this adventure - it pours. LOL! And we're not complaining! Rain is GLORIOUS in these parts. So our oldest daughter dropped us off at the door and then drove home to take her and her brother to our home church. The minute we walked in we noticed the difference between our home church and St. John's. At home the foyer and music is LOUD. People greet you with huge smiles and you find your seat amidst LOUD conversation going on by the patrons. At St. Johns it's very quite and reflective and as I walk in first with the girls I hear my joyful Lawman closely yelling to the usher "GOOD MORNING!!!" I whisper out the door "Sshhhhh!" We make our way to the nursery to let the two smallest people play, eat and enjoy a Bible story for 45 minutes. We walk back into the sanctuary and sit down with our seven year old who is in awe. It's so very peaceful. An invitation to our souls to be refreshed and renewed. There is space to look at the beautiful architecture and stained glass that centuries ago used to tell illiterate peoples the stories of the Bible and we hear hymns played on an ancient organ.
I find myself relaxing.
I'm breathing.
I feel emotion rising.
I remember...you have to create space to fill your soul.
But this morning it was just three of us sitting in a sanctuary - a sanctuary that felt like sanctuary to our spirit in this hectic, loud culture. It was quiet, but joy abounded as people came in a whispered and smiled. Beautiful. The organ began a new song and the ceremony of the cross being carried in with the candle representing the Holy Spirit, children helping and reminding us of the value He placed on them and the robes ~ they all called us to remember that this is sacred, this is holy, this time - it's set apart from the ways of the World.
Beautiful
Peaceful
Symbolic
Like a lot of churches these days St John's has a handout with the order of service typed on it. Every detail written down. We sang, we prayed responsive prayers, we read long passages of scripture, we kneeled, we stood, we sat, we observed. We - all of us were playing a huge part of this event. One of the things we noticed was how integral the patrons were to the order of service. You kind of had to have your *game on* so to speak - it wasn't a place to come and observe, you were here to participate in an ancient ceremony. And while I struggled to keep up I noticed that my daughter was loving being a part.Toward the end I leaned over to the Lawman and pointed to the part where it said "sermon"...he pointed too and we both kind of shrugged like...we're past that part...wonder what happened? There were three or four guys in robes and they had all spoken or read the Word...who knows who the "senior pastor" was. The area where the sermon would've happened all of the VBS workers and kids stood up front and shared how Jesus had revealed Himself to them and others this past week. They sang a few songs and then sat down. It took about 15-20 minutes for them to share ~ beautiful. Valuing their place and what Jesus is doing/will do in and through them.
As we follow the handout we see that it's about time to take communion and the Lawman notices that people are leaving the sanctuary and coming back in with their children. We quickly run to get our littlest people and return in time to follow our row up into the back part of the sanctuary to take communion. Two lines form and three friars are serving. And I begin to cry. The Holy Spirit is so present in the ceremony of communion. We all kneel before the friars and they are echoing each other as they serve the elements to the saints "This is His body, broken for you."..."This is His blood, spilled just for you." The friar blesses each of our children and as I look to my right I see tears brimming in the Lawman's eyes. Something holy just happened and we're both moved.
We sit back down and wait for everyone to join in the sacred, ancient act of communion. As we wait I feel tears falling down my cheeks. I realize - PROFOUNDLY - realize that I've been waiting for the sermon (the time when I see how Jesus is going to help me live my life) and had forgotten - PROFOUNDLY - forgotten that the one thing He asked us always to do when we get together was this holy act of remembering Him. And when we collectively remember Him something happens...something sacred happens in the spirit world. Things are made right. Things are made right when we lift our heads and remember Him and forget ourselves.
And then it was over. No one had played a more important part in the whole thing ~ we couldn't distinguish between anyone, really...except Him. Jesus was what I came away with this morning. A sense that the whole hour was for Him and not us. We all participated in the act of worshipping Him through our worship as the Bride.
We loved all of the grey hair that comes from people who have called a local church home for a very long time. We loved the beauty in every detail. We laughed about how I let the friar feed me the wafer and the Lawman grabbed it from him. We loved chatting with the stranger who drove us home.
We are loving our sabbatical.
We're asking a lot of questions and dealing with things in our heart that haven't surfaced until now because of busyness. We're realizing - QUICKLY - that we play a very small part in this whole big picture called the Church.
Sitting at St. John's today I was intrigued by the ceremony and beauty, but I wondered too how many of her regular folks get bored by ceremony? They don't have small groups in their home so they I wondered if church stayed at church for many of them and never came home? And I'm pretty sure my little people didn't learn how to hear Jesus and gain a heart for the nations in nursery like they do at our home church? But I can immediately start going crazy trying to figure out "the best" way to reach my city/nation/world...but I don't know, I'm kinda tired of reinventing the wheel. :)
Jesus said to make disciples and that's something I can do - I just have to make space for that to happen with people who don't know about Him. Discipleship is what He left us with as the way to change the world, not the best/most awesome/most exciting church experience. So I'll leave the church strategy thing to people who are trained to figure that out (I know they're - whoever "they" are - are relieved;), but for sure a take away so far, three weeks into this sabbatical, is that I know for damn sure is that I am enlivened by my front door being the front door to the bigger body of the church and I'm even more enlivened when I pray for boldness and reach out to people longing for Hope instead of turning inward to people too concerned about their own lives to reach for the ones who have never felt the Joy rise in their heart or known of His sacrificial love.I know y'all are hearing the pastoral gifting I have drip off every word of those last two sentences. ;) Just keeping it real and honoring my wiring! :):)
So I'm giving myself permission to create the space needed to do what the saints in the Early Church did in Acts 4:24-30 and pray for boldness to speak to the lost and see Him do signs and wonders and add to our number or not. I'll leave that up to Him. :) But for now it's how I can live from a place of desire and see the Kingdom touch the Earth. I love the pastors who want to figure out the care of all of us sheep, but I think I might be more of a ranger looking for the ones who don't know the way home. So here's to being honest and continuing to find Rest.
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