Mongolia Vol 3 "a-vail-a-bility"
a-vail-a-bility
1. Present and ready for use; at hand; accessible
2. capable of being gotten; obtainable
3. Qualified and willing to serve or assist
I was sitting across from her at a local restaurant and trying to form the words to answer this precious college girl’s question, “I get confused about going to the Nations and staying in America and having a family. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to go…how do I navigate loving God and wanting to stay in America? If I don’t hear Him saying to go or stay…what do I do?” I knew why she was asking me – she couldn’t square how a family, living the American Dream ,was spending their summer here in Mongolia. I was having a hard time figuring that one out that day too.
I had to sit there a minute. That’s a really common, hard question in our faith culture. The movement we’re a part of really believes and practices Matthew 28:16-20 where Jesus is telling us to “go the nations, teach them my commands, and baptize them and disciple them…” and you can often feel heavy if you don’t have the desire to sell everything and go overseas. I got what she was saying – I understood completely. It’s been a process for me/us to hear Jesus and obey Him. It’s not just the bigger questions, but the smaller ones too. In fact, it’s more about the smaller questions/obediences. When you fall in love with Jesus you fall in love with the things that He loves and He does love the nations. No to mention that Matthew 24:14 talks about Jesus coming back when everyone has heard about Him…kind of a HUGE motivator. ;)
And what I’ve realized about myself is how very much I love boundaries…and I really hate the word availability, unless it has to do with that cute shirt at my favorite thrift shop. :) Being available means letting go of control and I personally come from a long line of folks who have issues with control. Our dominating personalities wave the flag of CONTROL over my tribe of origin, loud and proud. Yeah, I am not passive aggressive…just plain ol’ I mean to have my way kinda girl. :)
I don’t want to communicate that boundaries are bad, they’re really healthy and life giving when applied to us broken human beings and how we relate. I even appreciate it when people place boundaries between me and them – I get it. But Jesus doesn’t like boundaries between us and Him. In the words of the guys on Duck Dynasty, “Nah!”
So after I sat there and thought for a minute I felt tears coming up in my eyes and I’m sure this sweet girl asking life questions thought, “Oh, this is going to be messy…” I said “You know…it’s really about being available to Him. It’s about not having to find security in anything else, but Him. It’s about saying ‘Yes’ to whatever he’s saying. And what’s incredible is that when you obey – when you respond to Him asking 'Will you be available?' the Joy that follows is addictive and you live your life to feel that Presence, that Joy." Her body relaxed as I told her stories and I think she heard my heart? So fast forward two days and I’m sitting in a room full of young Mongolian professionals and American college kids – invited by our friends
Bret and Jackie Franzen. Bret and Jackie are nothing less than intense lovers of Jesus and they are the very reason that there is an Antioch church movement here in Mongolia. These dear people are now in Thailand reaching Buddhist, but they’re here with us and others for the summer – it’s the movement’s 20 year celebration.
Bret had asked that I share my testimony to this group. But first he had us all go around the room and tell what college we went to and what degree/s we held. Did I mention being available is often hard for me? Especially when I might be humiliated? Yeah, so I realize what’s happening about two thirds of the way around the room. Did you know Asians have about 20 degrees a piece? True. They love education and they’re really good at it too. Tears start to sting my eyes as I realize what Jesus is inviting me into. I sense Him near and He’s looking at me saying “Trust me, okay? You have something to say even if it’s painful to say…”
It’s almost my turn to go and I really want to run out of the room. I don’t want to share my story with these guys, I'm ready for the person sharing their testimony after me to go. Bret’s made a big mistake I’m thinking to myself – should have asked my husband. And then it’s my turn. “Well, I’m not really sure why Bret asked me to share. (LOL) My formal education essentially stopped in 8th grade when I began working to help my family clean windows for a living and I just kept working other jobs until I had a baby. So I don’t have a degree in anything…” The phrase “You could’ve heard a pin drop…” totally.
I shared how I grew up with passionate Jesus followers. How they found Him during the Jesus movement when there were no fathers of that movement and everything was learned first hand with little accountability and no community for the leaders. It was a long, long season of hard. My parents would go back and do things so differently, but I wouldn’t change their heart for Jesus – so thankful their passion was for Him and not the things of this world. And because of them, I found Jesus as a small child, loved Him and served Him; but longed for security and the American Dream. I told this group how I loved Jesus, but didn’t know how much He loved me – serving Him had always meant sacrifice and hard. But then in my late 20’s I began to have a revelation of Jesus’ love for me that’s grown and grown and still keeps growing. And a revelation of His love ~ it changes everything.
I finished and thanked my friend who translated and would share next. It was over. Deep breath. How many times had I been asked by people where I went to school – if it wasn’t by people in my husband’s field of work as an attorney it was my kids’ college friends…it never goes away in a culture who worships the god of education. While I’ve become more comfortable with not having a degree and I am beyond excited to sacrifice for my kids to go to college, being available to share my story in front of a group of degreed young people just seemed little cruel to me. Honestly. I wasn’t too happy with my Groom. Of all the people to relate to these kids full of potential and education, hadn’t it been enough that I’d had worms, heart problems and was stuck in a little apt with five fidgety children and life in general just being 10 times harder here in Mongolia? Did He have to humiliate me too?
The next morning my kids came into the apt where we are living and said “Did you hear that a mother of one of the girls at the meeting last night asked Jesus to be her King?” I kept washing dishes for a minute as I thought – I did remember her, she was a little older than me and cooks for a living and never went to college. My hands were covered in soap and dirty water as I felt Jesus looking at me saying “Thank you for being available. Thank you for trusting me.” I don't know if my story made a difference for her that day, everyone there - available to Him - He reached into this precious woman's heart through all of us and changed her life forever.
GAH!!!! He’s so stinkin’ bossy and right all of the time!!!! ;) Being available may look like having six children, spending your summer in a foreign nation, decorating your house, selling your house and moving overseas, or staying in your hometown, sharing your story or teaching a 2yo to use the potty ~ I just don’t know; but what I DO know is that when you accept the invite…He’ll fill you with JOY to overflowing!!!!!!!!!!
1. Present and ready for use; at hand; accessible
2. capable of being gotten; obtainable
3. Qualified and willing to serve or assist
I was sitting across from her at a local restaurant and trying to form the words to answer this precious college girl’s question, “I get confused about going to the Nations and staying in America and having a family. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to go…how do I navigate loving God and wanting to stay in America? If I don’t hear Him saying to go or stay…what do I do?” I knew why she was asking me – she couldn’t square how a family, living the American Dream ,was spending their summer here in Mongolia. I was having a hard time figuring that one out that day too.
I had to sit there a minute. That’s a really common, hard question in our faith culture. The movement we’re a part of really believes and practices Matthew 28:16-20 where Jesus is telling us to “go the nations, teach them my commands, and baptize them and disciple them…” and you can often feel heavy if you don’t have the desire to sell everything and go overseas. I got what she was saying – I understood completely. It’s been a process for me/us to hear Jesus and obey Him. It’s not just the bigger questions, but the smaller ones too. In fact, it’s more about the smaller questions/obediences. When you fall in love with Jesus you fall in love with the things that He loves and He does love the nations. No to mention that Matthew 24:14 talks about Jesus coming back when everyone has heard about Him…kind of a HUGE motivator. ;)
And what I’ve realized about myself is how very much I love boundaries…and I really hate the word availability, unless it has to do with that cute shirt at my favorite thrift shop. :) Being available means letting go of control and I personally come from a long line of folks who have issues with control. Our dominating personalities wave the flag of CONTROL over my tribe of origin, loud and proud. Yeah, I am not passive aggressive…just plain ol’ I mean to have my way kinda girl. :)
I don’t want to communicate that boundaries are bad, they’re really healthy and life giving when applied to us broken human beings and how we relate. I even appreciate it when people place boundaries between me and them – I get it. But Jesus doesn’t like boundaries between us and Him. In the words of the guys on Duck Dynasty, “Nah!”
So after I sat there and thought for a minute I felt tears coming up in my eyes and I’m sure this sweet girl asking life questions thought, “Oh, this is going to be messy…” I said “You know…it’s really about being available to Him. It’s about not having to find security in anything else, but Him. It’s about saying ‘Yes’ to whatever he’s saying. And what’s incredible is that when you obey – when you respond to Him asking 'Will you be available?' the Joy that follows is addictive and you live your life to feel that Presence, that Joy." Her body relaxed as I told her stories and I think she heard my heart? So fast forward two days and I’m sitting in a room full of young Mongolian professionals and American college kids – invited by our friends
Bret and Jackie Franzen. Bret and Jackie are nothing less than intense lovers of Jesus and they are the very reason that there is an Antioch church movement here in Mongolia. These dear people are now in Thailand reaching Buddhist, but they’re here with us and others for the summer – it’s the movement’s 20 year celebration.
Bret had asked that I share my testimony to this group. But first he had us all go around the room and tell what college we went to and what degree/s we held. Did I mention being available is often hard for me? Especially when I might be humiliated? Yeah, so I realize what’s happening about two thirds of the way around the room. Did you know Asians have about 20 degrees a piece? True. They love education and they’re really good at it too. Tears start to sting my eyes as I realize what Jesus is inviting me into. I sense Him near and He’s looking at me saying “Trust me, okay? You have something to say even if it’s painful to say…”
It’s almost my turn to go and I really want to run out of the room. I don’t want to share my story with these guys, I'm ready for the person sharing their testimony after me to go. Bret’s made a big mistake I’m thinking to myself – should have asked my husband. And then it’s my turn. “Well, I’m not really sure why Bret asked me to share. (LOL) My formal education essentially stopped in 8th grade when I began working to help my family clean windows for a living and I just kept working other jobs until I had a baby. So I don’t have a degree in anything…” The phrase “You could’ve heard a pin drop…” totally.
I shared how I grew up with passionate Jesus followers. How they found Him during the Jesus movement when there were no fathers of that movement and everything was learned first hand with little accountability and no community for the leaders. It was a long, long season of hard. My parents would go back and do things so differently, but I wouldn’t change their heart for Jesus – so thankful their passion was for Him and not the things of this world. And because of them, I found Jesus as a small child, loved Him and served Him; but longed for security and the American Dream. I told this group how I loved Jesus, but didn’t know how much He loved me – serving Him had always meant sacrifice and hard. But then in my late 20’s I began to have a revelation of Jesus’ love for me that’s grown and grown and still keeps growing. And a revelation of His love ~ it changes everything.
I finished and thanked my friend who translated and would share next. It was over. Deep breath. How many times had I been asked by people where I went to school – if it wasn’t by people in my husband’s field of work as an attorney it was my kids’ college friends…it never goes away in a culture who worships the god of education. While I’ve become more comfortable with not having a degree and I am beyond excited to sacrifice for my kids to go to college, being available to share my story in front of a group of degreed young people just seemed little cruel to me. Honestly. I wasn’t too happy with my Groom. Of all the people to relate to these kids full of potential and education, hadn’t it been enough that I’d had worms, heart problems and was stuck in a little apt with five fidgety children and life in general just being 10 times harder here in Mongolia? Did He have to humiliate me too?
The next morning my kids came into the apt where we are living and said “Did you hear that a mother of one of the girls at the meeting last night asked Jesus to be her King?” I kept washing dishes for a minute as I thought – I did remember her, she was a little older than me and cooks for a living and never went to college. My hands were covered in soap and dirty water as I felt Jesus looking at me saying “Thank you for being available. Thank you for trusting me.” I don't know if my story made a difference for her that day, everyone there - available to Him - He reached into this precious woman's heart through all of us and changed her life forever.
GAH!!!! He’s so stinkin’ bossy and right all of the time!!!! ;) Being available may look like having six children, spending your summer in a foreign nation, decorating your house, selling your house and moving overseas, or staying in your hometown, sharing your story or teaching a 2yo to use the potty ~ I just don’t know; but what I DO know is that when you accept the invite…He’ll fill you with JOY to overflowing!!!!!!!!!!
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