A Gentle Incline
It's rare that I find myself in the mountains. I live in an old town established in 1849 and named after an army fort. This old town has many, many benefits. From amazing heritage, culture, the arts, friendly neighbors and a great sense of Home, Fort Worth is a beautiful place to raise a family. But what it doesn't have is a whole lot of beauty. Not the natural kind anyway.
So on occasion we will pack as many of the 9 people in our family who's schedule is free into our truck and head to the mountains. My side of the family is from this region of the country and I find that something in my bones finds itself at home in the blue haze and softer than the Rockies peaks of the mountains in Appalachia.
Last week were decided that we would take some of our older children on a bike ride through a place called Cade's Cove. It's not an easy venture to just take off and do something when you have six children ranging in ages 10 months to 18 years. It often takes a combined effort to make memories that can all happen together or more times than not we parcel them off to older and younger kids. Chris and I are constantly saying about the community of people who love Jesus and our children that "We can't raise our children the way we want to by ourselves."
Up early after an all night affair with the teething 10 month old we found ourselves renting bikes for my 16yo daughter, my 14yo son and my husband and me. I was surprised at how many people showed up to ride this road closed to traffic until 10:00 am. Bike in hand we took off.
It's important that you understand that I am not athletic. At all. I do run, but at a very slow 11-12 min per mile pace. I have run a half marathon though and this gave me the false sense of preparedness that this 8 mile bike ride through the mountains wouldn't be that hard. Even though I had NEVER ridden a bike farther than down and around the street, I took off with a smile.
I needed this time *alone* to think about my son going off to college. We hadn't thought he would be leaving town, but attending school in our hometown. Everything happened so fast that I hadn't had time to process my feelings about him being gone. Tears had been stinging my eyes all morning. This ride would be a good emotion filter.
If I were guessing I would say that about 2 miles into the ride I was feeling my heart pound up into my throat. I paused after walking up another long hill to check my pulse. I stopped counting after 160. Needed to slow down or I'd never make it and how discouraging that this bike ride would push my limited athletic body to it's breaking point.
But the ride really was beautiful. If you've never been to Cade's Cove I would recommend it go on your bucket list. It really is ethereal, especially in the early morning. God is made more real to me in nature than in most any other way. I am a different person after 15 minutes by a river than I am after a day of shopping.
Rounding into the back portion of the ride, I was ready to be done. I'd cried my way through pages of memories in my mind with my oldest son's face on each one. I do not like letting go - at least this part of letting go. And God help me as I have to do this 5 more times.
I hadn't had much time to think about his leaving and it felt like he was being ripped out of my heart. With each pump of the pedals I was letting go and trusting God. And if He is asking you to trust Him with something it's because it's hard to trust.
I could tell I was almost back to the bike rental. My husband and younger son had probably already arrived and my daughter and I were making our way. I paused on the side of the road for a moment and saw a grey bearded man taking a leisurely morning walk with coffee in hand.
"Do you know how much longer I have...how much longer to the bike rental? I panted to the man with the coffee?
He smiled an extravagant smile, "You're almost there, it's a gentle incline. You're doing great. You're almost there."
I thanked him, put my foot on the pedal ready to push off and I heard Him, "I'm speaking to you. Do you hear me?" I did hear Him. He was telling me that this road to letting my children go was a gentle incline that wouldn't leave my heart pounding out of my chest all of the time and that I was almost there ~ many of the hard parts already behind me.
I gave my bike back to the young man and smiled at my husband. We were off to meet my cousin and smallest children for a picnic breakfast that she had prepared. When I saw my baby boy's curls bouncing and that smile that looks so much like his brothers I felt Joy. I could do this again ~ this beautiful journey home wasn't as hard as one might think - it was impossible. But for the Joy set before a mama ~ she'll endure anything.
So on occasion we will pack as many of the 9 people in our family who's schedule is free into our truck and head to the mountains. My side of the family is from this region of the country and I find that something in my bones finds itself at home in the blue haze and softer than the Rockies peaks of the mountains in Appalachia.
Last week were decided that we would take some of our older children on a bike ride through a place called Cade's Cove. It's not an easy venture to just take off and do something when you have six children ranging in ages 10 months to 18 years. It often takes a combined effort to make memories that can all happen together or more times than not we parcel them off to older and younger kids. Chris and I are constantly saying about the community of people who love Jesus and our children that "We can't raise our children the way we want to by ourselves."
Up early after an all night affair with the teething 10 month old we found ourselves renting bikes for my 16yo daughter, my 14yo son and my husband and me. I was surprised at how many people showed up to ride this road closed to traffic until 10:00 am. Bike in hand we took off.
It's important that you understand that I am not athletic. At all. I do run, but at a very slow 11-12 min per mile pace. I have run a half marathon though and this gave me the false sense of preparedness that this 8 mile bike ride through the mountains wouldn't be that hard. Even though I had NEVER ridden a bike farther than down and around the street, I took off with a smile.
I needed this time *alone* to think about my son going off to college. We hadn't thought he would be leaving town, but attending school in our hometown. Everything happened so fast that I hadn't had time to process my feelings about him being gone. Tears had been stinging my eyes all morning. This ride would be a good emotion filter.
If I were guessing I would say that about 2 miles into the ride I was feeling my heart pound up into my throat. I paused after walking up another long hill to check my pulse. I stopped counting after 160. Needed to slow down or I'd never make it and how discouraging that this bike ride would push my limited athletic body to it's breaking point.
But the ride really was beautiful. If you've never been to Cade's Cove I would recommend it go on your bucket list. It really is ethereal, especially in the early morning. God is made more real to me in nature than in most any other way. I am a different person after 15 minutes by a river than I am after a day of shopping.
Rounding into the back portion of the ride, I was ready to be done. I'd cried my way through pages of memories in my mind with my oldest son's face on each one. I do not like letting go - at least this part of letting go. And God help me as I have to do this 5 more times.
I hadn't had much time to think about his leaving and it felt like he was being ripped out of my heart. With each pump of the pedals I was letting go and trusting God. And if He is asking you to trust Him with something it's because it's hard to trust.
I could tell I was almost back to the bike rental. My husband and younger son had probably already arrived and my daughter and I were making our way. I paused on the side of the road for a moment and saw a grey bearded man taking a leisurely morning walk with coffee in hand.
"Do you know how much longer I have...how much longer to the bike rental? I panted to the man with the coffee?
He smiled an extravagant smile, "You're almost there, it's a gentle incline. You're doing great. You're almost there."
I thanked him, put my foot on the pedal ready to push off and I heard Him, "I'm speaking to you. Do you hear me?" I did hear Him. He was telling me that this road to letting my children go was a gentle incline that wouldn't leave my heart pounding out of my chest all of the time and that I was almost there ~ many of the hard parts already behind me.
I gave my bike back to the young man and smiled at my husband. We were off to meet my cousin and smallest children for a picnic breakfast that she had prepared. When I saw my baby boy's curls bouncing and that smile that looks so much like his brothers I felt Joy. I could do this again ~ this beautiful journey home wasn't as hard as one might think - it was impossible. But for the Joy set before a mama ~ she'll endure anything.
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